Rejection is tough, no one likes to experience it and like a drug the feeling can hang around for a long time after we first feel it. I think we even get addicted to feeling rejected and after a while we look for reasons in life to feel rejected. Not because we like it but because we have a hard time moving on. Rejection can impact our lives in many ways, there are even studies proving that rejection can affect our intelligence, reason and self esteem. Here is an article from Psychology Today on the topic.
Rejection can come from those that are closest to us or people that we do not even know but either way it hurts. We have all felt it and we have all had to deal with the fallout afterwards. Like so many things I post about the most important thing you can do is recognize when you are feeling rejected. The closer to the situation that caused it that you can recognize it the healthier you will be through the process and the quicker you can heal from it.
Sometimes we just need to take time to think about the situation to understand it better
When we feel rejected and don’t deal with it (I did a whole series on forgiveness here), it can fester and get infected like a wound full of dirt and can get worse and worse. Rejection can turn into unforgiveness and that can make it even worse. We need to try to recognize when we feel rejected so we can deal with it right away. Once we recognize that we are feeling rejected, we can dig deeper into the feeling and figure out exactly what caused it. Sometimes just running through the situation again and looking at it a new angle or talking it through with someone we trust can help us understand it in a new light. We might be able to clear it up right away and it might be that we just misunderstood the situation or just took a situation the wrong way. It might be that easy…or it might not be.
It should matter who you are feeling rejected by, not everyone should be able to impact your life in the same manner
If you recognize the situation and think about it more and try to dissect it with someone but are still feeling the rejection you initially did the next step might be to think about the person that caused you to feel that way. What kind of person are they? Are they invested in you and have they shown that they care for you and your future? If no, it should not be hard for you to let the feeling of rejection go because honestly, what does it matter what they say? If they are not someone invested in you and your future then it should be more simple to let it go and move on in life. Keep your focus on the things that really matter, it might take some work for you to get there but try it, I bet it’s easier than you think!
If it’s someone you trust, it might be worth forgiving them. Don’t be a stasher!
If they have invested in your life and shown they really care about you then it’s up to you if you are able to exercise your forgiveness muscles and just move on from the situation or not. Now, you need to be honest with yourself, don’t just say “yes I will forgive them and move on” but inside you are saying “I am going to pretend like I forgive them but really I will hold on to it for a while until something else happens then I will blow up and be angry.” You know who you are, you know when you are a stasher. You stash away the rejections in life until you are filled with the feeling of rejection and explode all over the people around you at the time. Don’t be a stasher but instead be honest with yourself. If you can forgive them and move on then do so. If you can’t, then let’s move on to the next step.
Healthy confrontation can make things a lot better
Confrontation. Scary word right? I do not mean the type of confrontation that you get up in someone’s face and scream at them but I mean confrontation where you confront a problem head on and deal with it in a healthy and life giving manner. Confrontation that both of you come out of feeling better and that you no longer hold onto any bad feelings. The type of confrontation that makes things better, not worse.
Working through it with someone you care about will be worth it in the end
Can you do that with a person that has shown they are invested in your life and that they care about you? If you keep those things in mind and remember that you are confronting them in the hopes of making things better between you then I definitely think that you can do it. Let them know about the situation and how it made you feel but do it out of love. In a way that will make things better between you. Try it, and if they really care they will understand and you will be able to work it out. Give it a try, make it healthy and work through the situation. I bet you will feel better and will not be sorry for working through it instead of holding it in and letting it fester.